Monday, June 7, 2010

Here's the truth.

The truth is this:




1. I feel like shit.

2. I feel bad that I keep complaining about it and I’m sure I’m alienating those people closest to me.

3. I do not feel like a good wife.

4. I do not feel like a good mother right now. My patience is so worn thin that the stupidest things make me mad and frustrated.

5. I feel frustrated that I can’t seem to get any relief no matter what I try.

6. I feel alone. I do know that I’m not alone and I have lots of people there that love me and want to help but I can’t help but feel SO SO alone like no one understands what I’m going through right now, even though I know that thought process is stupid and there are people that understand or at least TRY to understand what’s going on.

7. I do feel blessed that we are having another baby, but don’t be surprised if I don’t let it show til I start feeling better. My nerves and emotions are all out of wack right now and I’ve lost sight of some of my priorities. I hope to be back to myself soon.

8. I’m not sure I want more kids. I LOVE having kids and being a mom and idealing I’d love to have some more kids after this one, but I just don’t know if I could do this all again. Not just to myself but to my family.

9. I was so looking forward to this summer. Lily is at such a fun age right now and she is learning stuff like crazy and I was so looking forward to taking her places and doing things with her and now these days all I want to do is lay in bed and cry and feel sorry for myself.

10. Life doesn’t seem fair. I know my suffering will be WELL worth it once this baby gets here, but like I said, it’s hard to keep sight of that when you feel like poo 24/7.

11. I want someone to hug me and tell me I’m doing great and that I’m doing an awesome job and they couldn’t do it as well as me and that our baby is going to be so amazing and this won’t last forever.

12. I try to reach out to people but do it in all the wrong ways.

13. I need to learn to communicate my frustration and ask for what I need without crying every. single. time.



There, that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

3 comments:

Nicolle said...

Miranda, I am here for you if you need someone to talk to..I know what it feels like not to feel well and it's even harder when you have a toddler running around that wants all your attention. Hang in there!

webbith said...

Miranda, darling.

:(

I know it's awful. You ARE a good wife and mother and being pregnant in the summer sucks. I'm here for you and I can't wait to see you in a few weeks.

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