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"I not a pirate, I Wiwy"

As said by my Two year old Little girl.  She is no longer my baby, and it's becoming painfully obvious by the things she says to me.

For example.  Yesterday in the car on the way home, the radio station was fuzzy so I changed it to a new one and from the back seat I hear this...."Mommy, I no like this sing, it be over soon?"  Hmm.  Since when does she has opinions on music selection in the car.

*sigh*  My 'baby' is growing up.

Where she's at: 27 Month's Old

Miss Lily has taken a keen interest in Tea Party's lately.  Especially is there is "copcorn" (popcorn) or M&M's involved.  This melts me because I love tea parties.

She also loves her "tater heads".  She has a mommy tater head and a daddy tater head.  And I'm thinking some babies are in their future.  Possibly for Christmas.  Hopefully she's still really into them when the time comes.

She is getting very excited to meet her "Care" and help take care of her, and there has been a lot of practicing going around.  Though it's been decided that while the girl can help change her and feed her, there is NO WAY we are going to let Lily carry the baby.  I don't think the foot carry or the neck carry is appropriate for a newborn.

Miss Lily is a blabber mouth to the max too.  I can't think of a word she won't say (in fact I'm sure she's taught me a few).  Of course we all knew she was doomed to this destiny from before she was born as Adam and myself are not exactly the quiet types.  Hopefully everyone she knows finds this feature about her as endearing as we do.  I sure can get frustrated when she asks me 4 trillion questions a day, or repeats the same thing over and over again hoping for a different answer.  But honestly I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I love listening to her talk.  And in turn I am 90% certain that we have fewer meltdowns than other kids her age because she can communicate with us so well what she needs/wants.  Does she always get what she wants?  HECK NO, and we do get meltdowns for that.  But at least we don't get meltdowns because she is thirsty or whatever and just can't express it.  So long paragraph short: I'll keep my blabbermouth.

She is VERY VERY much a daddy's girl.  I also love this.  Sure most of the time she prefers daddy to me, but that's ok, cause honestly I love watching them wrestle and chase each other.  They are adorable.  I knew Adam was going to be a great dad and he sure has let me (or the girl) down yet.

She's still very very much in the "I want to help" stage and I try really hard to use it so much now that when she's older and won't help I can say that at least when she was little she liked to help me.  It also drives her crazy when something gets spilled or if anything is left open.  When we got home from daycare yesterday she walks into the kitchen, pushes the drawer shut without batting an eyelash and went on her merry way.  She gets that from her daddy too.  He hates it when the cabinet doors are left open and I have to admit even though I know this, it's just not in my wiring to pay attention to whether or not I shut the doors.  Oops.  At least I have people who'll close them up for me.

So there's a Lily update.  She's spunky, bossy, but kind and caring.  Always willing to share (on her terms) and a true comedian.  I couldn't ask for a better 2 year old.

Work is for the Birds

So I'm sure most of you have noticed I don't really post much these days.  One of the main reasons is I simply am not that interesting don't have much to talk about.  The other main reason is...I do most of my blogging while I'm at work, and wouldn't you know it, lately they want me to actually EARN my paycheck.   It's funny though.  The whole time I've worked here I've wished for more work. Sure we've had a few busy times when I have been busier but I don't think I've ever been THIS busy.  It's nice cause the days have been flying by, but at the same time, when you go 5 years with having at least a little bit of downtime each day, it definitely takes some getting used too.

I've been doing a couple jobs here too lately.  Of course my normal Receptionist/data entry activities, but I also do the Purchasing now, and while it doesn't usually take much time it definitely helps fill up my day. 

Anyway, So when I'm at work these days, wouldn't you know it, I've actually been THINKING about work and so that sorta leaves me sucked dry when it comes to the creative/blogging part of my life.  Sure we have things going on.  I mean we have a TWO YEAR OLD.  Life is never boring with one of those in your house.  Plus another baby on the way.  But when it comes to blogging about that I feel less than inspired I guess. 

So I'll leave you with this cute story about my 2 year old.

She was playing with her B (her lovie) and she had two baby bottles in her hand.  Completely unprompted she holds one up and announces "this one-a baby Care, this one-a B"  Yup you guessed it.  This mamma's heart melted.   They really do know/retain more than we give them credit.  And my kid is no exception.  She is amazingly kind and caring (in her own bossy way)  and everyday I can't wait to see her with her little baby sister, Care (That's Claire for those of you who don't speak Lily).

24 Weeks.

Tomorrow.  Seriously?  How on earth did we get to 24 weeks in this pregnancy already?  Nothing new or exciting to report really on that front.  Still just chugging along.  Talking to Lily about the new baby and how she can help and she has a pretty good list of things she can do with the new baby.  It's fun to ask her because you really don't realize how much a 2 year old can retain until you test it out.  Her list of things to do include:

Feed her a bottle
Change her diaper
Cover her up with a blankie
Bring her toys
Rock her to sleep
Give her hugs and kisses


Those are the ones Lily will list off for you.  I think she's pretty excited to have this new little person to help with.  We are really lucky right now in that she LOVES to help with everything and I really don't see having a baby sister any different.  Oh I'm not stupid, I'm sure there will be issues, but for the most part I'm sure we'll do just fine with the help of Miss Lily.  She's got this thing all figured out.

I guess we are a judgy nation....

and I should just get used to it?

I pride myself on my ability to almost always see both sides of anything regardless of my personal feelings on something.  I really LOVE that quality about myself.  It's certainly not something I can say often, but I rock at not being too judgy about things.  My mom calls it diplomatic.  And that I am.  I could think of a trillion examples of what I'm talking about but really all you have to do is turn on the news or read an article and you'll have one group of people completely bashing another for their choices that in the end really have no affect on them whatsoever.  I mean unless something is going to affect you or someone you love first hand why can't we all just get along.

Of course I do realize not everyone is wired this way.  I grew up with pretty much no political views and definitely with the attitude of "Hey, it may not be for me, but whatever works for you."  I dig it.  I think it helps to spend less time worrying about things other people do and just freakin' worry about yourselves for once.  Of course these days I DO have my own political views and views on things.  But in general I think we should all just worry about ourselves and quit being so judgy about stuff.

And yes I realize I'm sorta contradicting myself with this post  since it's all about how we should quit judging others.  I guess it just really irks me that I get judged for things I do (as a parent, wife, daughter etc) and I wouldn't do that to someone else.   People need to filter there thoughts a bit and think about other peoples feelings and try to understand where people are coming from or why they are making the argument they are.

Life is not black and white people.  And what fun would it be if it were?

7 Quick Takes....Tuesday Edition

1. I am 22 weeks pregnant today and I STILL managed to throw up this morning.  I'm so over it.

2.  It's too Damn hot.  Thankfully it's suppose to cool down this weekend at least humidity wise.  That should be nice as this weekend is our county fair and I'm hoping we can get over there and have some fun with the girl.  She's at the perfect age for that stuff now and I know she'll love all the animals, food and fun stuff they have there!  Hoping we can hit up the demo derby too but we'll have to see how it's going to work out this year.

3. I've been debating ending this blog for a while now.  Part of me wants to cause I don't feel like I really write much with substance or meaning and part of me wants to keep it since I have so much recorded here of Miss Lily's life and our life with her.  I don't want to forget that stuff.  Hopefully my inspiration will come back and I'll find more things to write about soon.

4. I used to consider myself a worrier.  I thought I worried about everything, and maybe I used to.  But lately I've been thinking about it and I don't think I worry near as much as I should.  I rarely worry.  I don't worry about Lily.  I NEVER worry about what COULD happen to people.  I don't really worry about Money or relationships or anything.  Is that weird.  Maybe I'm worrying about how much I worry.   Whatever.  Now the word Word worry sounds funny doesn't it?

5. Who gives a giant rip about Brett Favre.  I'm sick of him and his drama.

6. They are keeping me busy at work.  It's nice.  The days go by faster and it also means that I will have a job for a while anyway.  Now that I've been laid off I'm uber paranoid about it now. 

7. I bruised my hand and wrist up this weekend.  This is odd for a couple reasons.  I was trying to pound something back together and used my hand (which I've done before, many times and never bruised)  And I NEVER bruise.  I mean sometimes I do things and I think, oh yeah that's going to leave a mark.  But it never does.  Now the palm of my right hand is all bruised and it HURTS BAD and my wrist is all bruised up too though that bruise doesn't hurt.  I didn't learn a lesson though cause I'll likely do it again.

I would almost call it nesting....

So inspired by this post by Kristan.  I decided to make some of these for not only Lily but for Claire too.  And if you ask me (besides Lily's being a little crooked) they make the perfect addition to their room!

I'd post directions on how to make them but I think Kristan did that quite well so if you are curious head over to her blog to check it out.  I of course didn't do the frames to save some money, so I just skipped that part.

10 fingers, 10 toes.....

So we had our Ultrasound on Friday!  I'm sure most of you have heard already that we are having another GIRL!  I'm excited, Adam is excited and Lily is pretty indifferent at this point.  I did manage to get her to call the baby by her name, and she knows where Claire lives. So it's pretty adorable.

I was waiting to post until I actually remembered to take some pictures of their room, I made some letters to spell their names inspired by some friends that have done it.  They turned out great and i can't wait to share them with the world.  However I have to remember to actually take the photo first.

Anyway, back to the Ultrasound.  We had to go to a specialist because of Lily's heart condition.  And thankfully all looked great.  Everything measured SPOT ON. and Nothing was off or anything.  The Dr. said the heart looked great but we should still do the Echo (which is scheduled for Thursday) to just make sure all is well.  So of course I'll update after that appointment.

For now we are just enjoying the fact that we are going to have 2 beautiful little girls!  What more could we ask for!

Do I need to add a caption?

And the countdown begins....

That would be the countdown until the day we find out if the baby is a boy or a girl.  July 16th is THE day!  I can't wait.  I can honestly say I am not at all sure how we managed to NOT find out with Lily because I am already dying of curiosity.  LOL  I have so many things I want to do. 

If we have a girl:
Go through Lily's clothes and pick out season appropriate clothes (since they will be opposite seasons)
Make room in the girls dresser and closet for new baby's clothes.
Start pulling out baby supplies and checking for things we need.

If we have a boy:
Go through Lily's clothes and pull out neutrals and probably get rid of the rest (except for a few favs)
Start getting boy clothes
Start pulling out baby supplies and checking for things we need.

I also need to make a final decision on if we want to get a bassinet or not.  I'm not sure why I'm so torn.  Part of me thinks a bassinet is the way to go cause it's smaller than our Pack and play and it will fit in our bedroom better, but then part of me doesn't want to spend the money on one since we have a perfectly good pack and play with a newborn section in it that would work.  Of course we have a crib but I think for the first few nights at home at least we will keep baby in our room so that Lily can get used to having a baby around and hearing a baby cry before we shove it into her room with her.  Cause we're thoughtful like that.  I'm not super concerned about it though since Lily is a pretty hard sleeper and I think once she gets used to it it wouldn't be a big deal and she won't even twitch when baby cries. But I guess you never know til the time comes.

Anyways, my point is, I'm antsy.  I wanna do stuff and I can't do much (or at least it's pointless until we know gender) to go through stuff.

Then there's the question of, if it's another girl, do I re-decorate the girls room?  Which could be really fun.  Re-paint and stuff or just leave it?  It's cute the way it is so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

7 Quick Takes.

Things I'm thankful for edition:

1. I'm thankful for family.  Sure we may not see a lot of them a lot of the times, But I know they are there if we ever need them.  Adam and I (and Miss Lily) are so blessed to have a pretty amazing support system.  I hear people complain about there In-Laws all the time too and I'm so thankful that we don't have issues like that.  I think I speak for both Adam and myself when I say we both have great in-laws. 

2. We have a home and a place to raise our babies.  I know a lot of you hear me complain (ok, more than I should) about how tiny my house is.  But really?  I'm very thankful that we even have a home.  A nice home that is filled with love.  We have a great yard and thankfully  PLENTY of storage.  Sure the walls close in on me sometimes but I know there are a lot of people out there who aren't as fortunate as we are and I don't want people to think I don't appreciate what I do have.

3. My job!  Boy oh boy am I glad to be back at my old job.  Sure I've been back for over a month now, but I still can't help but think how much I like it here better than at the temp job I was working at.  Something really has to be said for coworkers (most of them) that you like and get along with.  I really just fit in here.  Of course I think everyone has things they'd love to change about their jobs but I'd take this one over any other any day of the week (except Friday, I don't work Fridays).

4. Zofran.  That's all I need to say on that one.

5.  I'm thankful for Adam.  I'm lucky that I have found a supportive loving husband who stands by me no matter what.  A partner, someone to laugh with and cry with (ok I do most of the crying)  But the point remains the same, I can be myself with him without having to worry about what he may think. 

6. I'm thankful that we live within our means.  Sure it would be awesome to have more money or be able to afford some of those things on my I want list.  But in reality, we do ok with what we have and I'm happy to not have any outrageous debt to have to contend with.

7. My beautiful Daughter.  She's truly the light of my day.  Her smile and hugs make me melt.  I can't imagine life without her. 

My Baby is 2, Photographic Evidence.

Who needs a recipe?

I think I watch WAY too many cooking shows (shut up Adam) because I no longer follow recipes.  Ok so I've never been a big recipe person to begin with.  My family LOVES cookbooks but even with a pretty massive collection under their belts, they really only use them for baking.  And I've learned that's exactly what I do with mine.  Things you make all the time you learn to tweak to make them to fit your tastes better with time.  Of course watching the food network has really opened up my mind as far as what to make and the basic principals of it all.  For example.  I make stuffed mushrooms.  Adam and Lily and myself all like them.  I've never laid eyes on a recipe for stuffed mushrooms before and yet I make them and 98% of the time they turn out fantastic.  And if they don't turn out great I can usually remember it and fix it the next time.  I do this with other things too, meatloaf, meatballs, crock pot recipes etc.  But in honor of me making the mushrooms for dinner tonight I thought I'd post my method.  Of course ingredients are easily changed out for what's on hand too.

Stuffed Mushrooms

1 container of mushrooms (white button or baby portabellas)  We prefer the small mushrooms but larger is fine too.
Take the stems out and dice them up fine.  In a saute' pan Saute' up some diced onion, garlic in some oil or butter.  Add herbs and spices to taste.  mix in some Seasoned bread crumbs to the consistency of a filling.  Add some cheese (whatever kind if fine, I've used Parm and Mozzarella before)  Put the mushrooms on a baking sheet and fill with filling.  Sprinkle extra cheese on top and bake at about 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes until the cheese is brown and the mushrooms are tender. 

Enjoy!

Other things that would be delicious in these: diced peppers, ground sausage, other veggies diced small. 

These would be great for a party or served with dinner, like a meatloaf.  You can use a lot of the same ingredients in the meatloaf too and it would tie together nice!

Here's the way my brain works these days....

Had my first Dr. appointment yesterday.  Went well, met my Dr. for the first time.  She seems nice.  Uses a lot of big words though which I am totally not used to but I'll manage.  Got to hear the baby's heartbeat which was nice.  She found it right away which was always a struggle with Lily.  She always found the one spot in there that no one could ever find her, as a result we got an extra ultrasound than normal with her so that they could find her.  But not this one.  He/she was right there, bragging about his/her heartbeat.  I'm ok with that.  I also got some more Zofran which seems to be helping a lot with my upset stomach.  Last time they gave me the dissolvable ones and they just didn't seem to work as well.  So now with these I can take have the amount and still feel better.  I'll take it.

Tomorrow I am off work, Happy about it too, I have A LOT that needs to get done including but not limited to: Laundry, Dishes, Vacuuming, grocery shopping, the girl's two year pics.  And a laundry list of other things that I never seem to have the energy or ambition to do.  But alas, I must get it done, no more putting it off til "tomorrow" cause it never seems to get done.

Lily and I are on our own for dinner tonight and I'm just really not sure what to make.  Probably peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with some canned veggie or something.  Simple and doesn't require any dishes to cook with which is a good thing considering the current state of my kitchen.  Seriously though I really should take before and after pics, though I'd be a bit ashamed to actually POST the photos of my messy house.

So I've been watching a lot of "Billy the Exterminator" Despite his horrible fashion choices it's a pretty interesting show.  And of course there was an episode on about someone that had squirrels in their attic......and all the damage they do and whatnot.  Yeah, its just an even more urgent reminder that we need to evict the squirrels that have taken hold of our attic space sooner rather than later.  Sadly it's not easily accessible.  I wonder how much it would cost to have someone to come out and take care of it for us.  I should add that to my list of things to do.  *sigh* and the list just keeps growing.

Here's the truth.

The truth is this:




1. I feel like shit.

2. I feel bad that I keep complaining about it and I’m sure I’m alienating those people closest to me.

3. I do not feel like a good wife.

4. I do not feel like a good mother right now. My patience is so worn thin that the stupidest things make me mad and frustrated.

5. I feel frustrated that I can’t seem to get any relief no matter what I try.

6. I feel alone. I do know that I’m not alone and I have lots of people there that love me and want to help but I can’t help but feel SO SO alone like no one understands what I’m going through right now, even though I know that thought process is stupid and there are people that understand or at least TRY to understand what’s going on.

7. I do feel blessed that we are having another baby, but don’t be surprised if I don’t let it show til I start feeling better. My nerves and emotions are all out of wack right now and I’ve lost sight of some of my priorities. I hope to be back to myself soon.

8. I’m not sure I want more kids. I LOVE having kids and being a mom and idealing I’d love to have some more kids after this one, but I just don’t know if I could do this all again. Not just to myself but to my family.

9. I was so looking forward to this summer. Lily is at such a fun age right now and she is learning stuff like crazy and I was so looking forward to taking her places and doing things with her and now these days all I want to do is lay in bed and cry and feel sorry for myself.

10. Life doesn’t seem fair. I know my suffering will be WELL worth it once this baby gets here, but like I said, it’s hard to keep sight of that when you feel like poo 24/7.

11. I want someone to hug me and tell me I’m doing great and that I’m doing an awesome job and they couldn’t do it as well as me and that our baby is going to be so amazing and this won’t last forever.

12. I try to reach out to people but do it in all the wrong ways.

13. I need to learn to communicate my frustration and ask for what I need without crying every. single. time.



There, that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

A post in pictures

The girl swimming in her pool after her birthday party.

Enjoying some of her birthday presents

No party is complete without Elmo cake.

The birthday girl with her cake.

Just having fun in her pool

Totally Serious.

So inspired by this post by my mom.  I thought I'd write my thoughts on the subject, whether they are welcome or not.

Some back story for those of you that may not know.  I was always very very much a daddy's girl and in no way to I think I had it rough as a child, in fact my parents were awesome, they set limits but let us do our own thing.  They knew how to reign us in when it was needed and let have some slack when that was needed.   For the most part I wouldn't change a thing.  They worked hard to give us the things we had and I can't speak for my brother but I know I appreciated everything I've learned and was taught growing up.  But, there always was an elephant in the room.  Something we never talked about, because for the most part, it just wasn't THAT big of a deal.  Of course I can honestly say I'm sure none of us imagined it would turn out this way down the road.

My dad is an alcoholic.  I don't know for how long, I know for a very long time but I guess I never really noticed it as a problem until I was a teenager.  My dad can be the most fun, loving wonderful person you could ever meet.  OR he can be moody and one joke can send him over the edge and make you just want to run 100 miles in any direction just to get away.  No, He never physically hurt anyone, but sometimes words have edges as sharp as knives. 

About 7 years ago, a combination of Alcohol and Asprin gave my dad a perforated ulcer and he had to have a large portion of his stomache removed because of it.  It's been a LONG, HARD journey for him and my mom since then.  He can't work, which I think is a big part of the problem.  Work grounded my dad I think.  Gave him someplace where he couldn't drink, where he couldn't act out.  And he was Awesome at what he did.  I remember hearing stories about his day and how he could figure out things even the engineers couldn't see.  I think that crushed him that he couldn't go back to work after the surgery.  I think it still bothers him.  Of course SEVERAL surgeries later and many doctors telling him not to drink anymore or it would kill him.  Me hearing the words..."I will never drink again" come from my father, I thought that things would be ok somehow.  He was wonderful when he wasn't drinking.  Not moody or anything like what he was like while he was drinking.   Then he started drinking again.  Mix that with the pain killers he's on, that he also abuses now and what do you get.  A man that brings people down.  A man that is a shell of what he once was.  A shell of what I KNOW he can be.

See, in this story, I am lucky.  I got to grow up and move out, I got to go on and live my life and be happy with my wonderful husband and my beautiful little girl and now the new baby growing inside me.  But what about those who weren't so lucky?  My mom.  I have no idea how she does what she does everyday.  She is truly an inspiration.  I know she's not feeling like it lately.  And I know that she's having a rough time with everything that's been going on as of late.   I can honestly say I'm not sure I would have stayed with my dad as long as she has.  They've been together 27 years and I wonder how many times my mom has thought about leaving?  My mom needs help.  And I'm not sure how to do that.  I feel lost and helpless and I'm sure she does too.  But at the end of the day I don't have to deal with that every day and I feel bad about it.

His problems have become EVERYONE'S problems.  Anyone who knows me will tell you have have irrational fears of alcohol and what it does to people.  It's unhealthy and I know that.  I guess call me afraid to go down the same path as my father, or if someone close to me was an alcoholic, I would be devastated.  I am pretty sure that would be a deal breaker for me.  I'm aware that he won't get help til he's ready but really if he hasn't hit is rock bottom and gotten his reality check by now, I don't think it will ever happen.

Man, I'm sorry for such a heavy post this morning.  In fact I debate even posting this wondering if these feelings and thoughts I have would be better kept inside.  But I guess the point of this is.  This is what I know and I'm just a daughter.  I can't imagine how much worse it is and I have no clue.  But I do know this.  Mom, You are not alone, I love you more than anything and want you to know that I may not be there physically to help but if you ever need anything or want to talk about it, call me.  No one should have to deal with all of that on their own.

Happy Birthday Lily!

Happy Birthday Baby Big Girl!

To the most beautiful, smart, spunky, wonderful 2 year old I know!  Hope you have had a fantastic 2 years, cause I sure know I have.

I love you more than I could ever tell you and look so forward to the next year and seeing you develop into the awesome person I know you'll be!

They're coming to take me away Ha Ha.

My To Do Lists that is.  I have a million of them and I never seem to fully get caught up on one list when another one creeps up on me.  Take for example my Housework To Do List.  We'll just use one task.  Laundry.  I finally think I'm caught up on it, WHAM there's another pile just laughing at me.  Or Dishes.  Thankfully Adam has been pretty helpful lately.  Otherwise I'm really not sure that we would have a single dish to eat off of.

The truth is, I feel like crap.  Pretty much all the time, and the rare times I do feel well the very last thing I want to do is clean.  I feel bad about this, I feel bad that I have no energy and everything makes me feel like puking.  I WANT to be a good wife, I WANT to be a good mother and I am just simply not feeling it right now.  I am thankful that lily is too young to remember the whining and crying I've been doing.  I mean really, What kind of example is that for her?  So I have spent a lot of time lately feeling guilty and feeling sorry for myself and basically making everyone around me miserable.  I have stopped emailing friends.  I don't care to go out and do anything.  I just want to lay in bed all day and not do a darn thing.  I feel like I am constantly disappointing people and getting on their nerves with my whining.  I try so hard not to but when you feel like crap it just sorta happens.

Anyway, I guess my point is, I'm hoping this ends soon.  For not just my sake but for all those around me. 

Wish me luck.